i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
