She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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