i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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