I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
