let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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