I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
