K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
