I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
