the condom got lost in my hair
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
last night I used snow as a chaser
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
