I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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