pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
