Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
