So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
