Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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