My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
