I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
