so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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