If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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