He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
