You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
