omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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