Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
