why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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