fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
