A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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