Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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