no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
