Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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