Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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