a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
