Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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