Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
