Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we're making bets on your personal life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
