This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
