At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
