Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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