just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
