she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
organizing the empties. That sober.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
