The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
