I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
