Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
