You work out of a Hotel?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
