Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
