i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize