just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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