Dude my mom stole all your condoms
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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