It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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