hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
