My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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