I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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