So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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