in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
