No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
MIDGETS
????
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
