I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
