if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
