what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
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