evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
