i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize