Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
