unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
