please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
