im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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