I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
