My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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