Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
